Until You (Fall Away #1.5) by Penelope Douglas
Until You: The Fall Away Series
***This novel contains graphic sexual content and harsh language. It is only appropriate for adult readers age 18+.
Have you ever been so angry that hitting things felt good? Or so numb that you actually felt high? The past few years have been like that for me. Traveling between fury and indifference with no stops in between.
Some people hate me for it, while others are scared of me. But none of them can hurt me, because I don't care about anything or anyone.
I love her so much that I hate her. We used to be friends, but I found out that I couldn't trust her or anyone else.
So I hurt her. I pushed her away.
But I still need her. The sight of her centers me, and I can pool all of my anger into her. Engaging her, challenging her, bullying her...they are my food, my air, and the last part of me that feels anything human.
But she left. She went to France for a year, and came back a different girl.
Now, when I push, she pushes back.
I remember being conflicted by Bully. While I loved Jared and Tate together, Jared was really terrible and I had a hard time reconciling that. I mean he seriously bullied Tate for years and yet she still loved him for some reason. So I was left not knowing what to feel about the book in general. I loved and hated it at the same time. Love them, hate Jared, love Jared, ah! That was me after the book. When I saw recently that there was a second book, Until You, from Jared's point of view that is not just a retelling of Bully I thought I need to give his a read. I need to see if Jared's point of view is better, will better help me feel okay with the story. It did. I loved this book. You could see Jared and what he was thinking/feeling the entire time. I needed that.
If you read Bully you know the basic storyline. Jared and Tate used to be best friends. They both liked the other, but never said anything. Then Jared goes off to live with his dad for a summer and comes back changed. He comes back and hates Tate for some reason that she can't figure out. This is the story of them figuring everything out and Jared learning to deal with some of his issues.
That summer for Jared was terrible. He didn't have the best home life with his alcoholic mom, but it was nothing compared to his dad. He never really had a warm, loving person in his life until Tate. When he gets back he wants nothing more than to see Tate, but he is in such a dark place when he does he lashes out at her. She really didn't do anything wrong, but her being happy and carefree were just too much for him. He had so much he was trying to deal with with his dad and brother he just didn't know how to. He needed to hurt her to try and prove that he doesn't care about her. His dad really did a number on him and it was heartbreaking to read. He thinks if he needs someone he is weak, but he can't stop needing Tate. Even though he keeps lashing out at her he still makes sure no one else is that terrible to her. He still looks out for her in his way. He might be mean to her, but no one else can say terrible things about her without him flipping out. It was really interesting to read his struggles to reconcile his anger and his need.
You also get a lot more of his family issues in this book. You see him having to go see his dad in jail and how his dad still has such control over him. Man that man is an awful human being. You just want Jared to be able to stand up to him and work things out. You just want him to be happy finally. It was lucky for Jared that Tate's dad is so amazing. He helps Jared when he needs it most and really it was nice to see. It was a heartbreaking book at times, but Jared's point of view really made me understand more what was happening and why. I loved this story even if it was hard to read at times.
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★1/2